I Can't Believe They Said That!

One thing we all have in common is hurtful comments said to us by friends and family members as we are living out our infertility journey. Although people try to be well intentioned, sometimes it would be better if they didn't say anything at all. What about you? One hurtful thing which may have been said to you is..."You can always adopt!"

Now don't get me wrong. I am a firm believer in adoption. There are many newborn babies, toddlers, and teenagers who can use a good home. My problem with the comment is when people launch into a long discussion about how they started adoption proceedings only to find out that they were expecting.

My problem is...that you should commit to adopting or not. I don't believe in using adoption as a way to leverage on God, nor do I believe that adoption is a consolation prize. Adoption is a wonderful thing for many families and it is not for others. My frustration is when people offer it up as a 'quick fix' to my situation.

SUBMERSED!!!

The dictionary defines 'submerse' as "To place or go under, or as if under water. To cover with water." As Infertility life coaches, we have lots of people comment on the cover art of our coaching template, which you can see on this blog. We have had women tell us that they feel like the beautiful woman depicted here. They tell us that on the outside, they appear to be an attractive woman, with her 'act together.' On the inside, they say they feel as though they are drowning in the secret sorrow of infertility.  Each month when their period begins again, they grieve the loss of what 'might have been,' the pregnancy they so desire. Each month they suffer alone, and in silence, because their grief and loss is too devastating to even voice out loud to another person.

The Center for Disease and Prevention reports that 7.3 million women between the ages of 15-44; or 11.8% of women in this age range, cite trouble with infertility. In this study, infertility is defined as being 'unable to conceive for more than 12 months'.

So what about you?

Infertility Grief During the Holidays

The holidays can be a tough time for persons struggling with infertility. First, there are all of the commercials depicting children in family settings, or with Santa. Then, there are the parties and family gatherings where you dread being asked, "When are you going to start your family?" Last but not least, your mind has to do some sabatoging of its own by playing the "if only I had children" game, or the "Regrets" Limited Family Edition game. Ugh!

So what can you do to make the holidays more bearable?

Waiting to Conceive

In my Sunday School lesson, we discussed Habakkuk the priest, who asked God the hard question: Why do evil people prosper and why do good people suffer? I thought of you. You may have posed a similar question. Why does God allow one woman with a cocaine habit or abusive tendencies to conceive, while another Godly woman, who wants children and would be committed to their care, struggles with conception. God's answer to Habakkkuk's question was that the revelation, or understanding of these difficult questions, awaits an appointed time, a reference to "the end of time". God encourages Habakkuk to wait for the answer and it will come. (Habakkuk 2:3) God understands that waiting requires patience and faith in Him. Have you asked God tough questions related to your infertility? Are you waiting for His answer? While you wait, as hard as it is, can you praise Him and acknowledge that He has a plan and that one day you will understand that plan? Are you willing to wait on His timing to answer your questions?

Infertility

There is no greater heartache than the inability to conceive a child. It is truly a secret sorrow that you suffer alone and in silence every month. When all your friends are having babies and celebrating new births, when your church is recognizing each new addition to the church family, when everyone keeps asking, "When will you start your family'? How do you cope?